So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
