Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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