Little spoons don't ask big questions
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
