The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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