she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
