the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
