Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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