my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
