Christians are straight up FREAKS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
