Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Less talking, more tequila
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
