U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize