I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
