Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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