I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
