went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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