Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize