he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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