areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
