I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize