She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
