I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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