Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
