Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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