All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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