I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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