The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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