Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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