tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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