I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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