whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
