at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
