i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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