She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
