He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
