I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
