I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
