I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Randomize
