I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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