my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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