she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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