So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
