yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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