Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
