Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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