Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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