you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
