don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
