i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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