sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
