Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
