singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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