You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
