You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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