I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
