You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
