You really coming over, don't trick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
