Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
