Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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