that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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