Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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