You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
