I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
