he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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