I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
