I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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