i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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