our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
