DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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