I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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