Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize