I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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