bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
