also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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