sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
