my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
