If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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